M is for Myg

Folks, do you have a special someone in your life? He’s the one who jumps you as soon as you walk in the door, tries to lick you all over and then looks longingly into your eyes hoping that you’re thinking what he’s thinking. That’s right - dinner. And I only say “he” because the dog in my life happens to be male. But dogness isn’t a gender issue - it’s a role issue. Dogs come in multiple gender flavors.

Thing is, if you don’t train your dog, your dog will train you. It happens subtly, but before you know it, you’ll come home after a hard day at the office and just automatically head into the kitchen. All the while he lovingly looks at you, practically drooling, not leaving your side until he’s gotten what he wants. He then promptly ignores you as he devours the special feast you’ve prepared for him.

Oh, it’s not just food preparation they’ll train into you. Next thing you know, he wants to go out and will be a complete pain in the ass until you let him. Whining, scratching, maybe even barking until you open the door. Finally you just leave the door open so he can come and go at will just to avoid fighting.

And let’s talk about arguing for a second too. Dogs can make you all kinds of fucking mad, can’t they? They roam around sniffing every strange ass that comes down the block. At home they take your stuff and put it in places you can’t find. They eat every last morsel of food in the house without regard to anyone else who may want it. When they’re alone and bored they’ll nick your dirty panties out of the laundry and sometimes, on the worst of days, it seems like they mess up the things you love just to make you mad.

But have you ever noticed–it almost seems like they *like* to make us mad. Sometimes when we yell and fight, they get a little bit of a rise, if you will, from it. And that’s when you–and they–know, they’ve got us trained.

How do they do it?

It’s a simple matter of conditioning, people. The dog will do something (like unexpectedly curl up next to us on the couch and let out a big sigh) and get a response out of us (such as, “awwww let me go make you a sandwich.”) If the dog likes the response, he’ll keep repeating the behavior - and we will repeat the response. See? Smart dogs figure out what motivates us and use high-value rewards. For example, if I feed my dog, he lavishes me with love and attention. God knows, I love attention, so my dinner-making habit becomes reinforced. However, over time when my dinner-making behavior becomes routine he may feel he doesn’t need to spend so much time drooling all over me, thanking me, smacking his lips in appreciation for each meal. That’s when I might feel unappreciated and the resentment can settle in, and that just sucks. But luckily, there’s something we can all do if this happens.

We can counter-train. This we can do in three easy steps: 1. Motivation 2. Notice good behavior 3. Reward it!

1. Find out what motivates your dog. Now, as far as I know, many, many dogs are motivated by the same thing - tail. If you have a dog, he likes your tail, guaranteed. Other possibilities include hamburgers, naps, and pay-per-view fights.

2. Notice good behavior - no matter how small it seems! He gives you a big kiss when you get in bed? The toilet seat is down in the middle of the night when you have to pee? These are the kinds of habits that can tip the balance when you’re seriously thinking of putting him in the shelter.

3. Using motivation identified in #1, reward the behavior you want to promote! Did your dog come home and start the laundry without being asked? Why not shake your tail a little as you walk out of the room. Next thing you know, he’s folding it and putting it away as well. (Of course, odds are, the dog will incorrectly fold the shirts and put the socks in the wrong drawer, but you can shape these behaviors as well with a little hard work and perseverance!)

Does your dog like food? Well, when he agrees to stay home with the kids so you can go out with your friends, bring him home an Italian sub. For extra good kid watching, bring him a six-pack as well. Did he do yard work without being asked? Do the dishes? Pick up the house? I don’t know who trained who on this one, but when my dog does any of that kind of stuff, he gets rewarded with a special cut, nearly every time.

Don’t forget, dogs like praise too. Be sure to lavish plenty of it when your dog is doing stuff you like, no matter how small it seems. (”Nobody can order pizza with as much precision as you can, sweetie…”)

You know, many of us spend a lot of our time bitching at our dog for his mistakes, ruminating over the stuff the dog doesn’t do so well, or sometimes even lamenting to the dog our frustration that he is being too dog-like. When we do that, we forget about the fun, the affection and the unflappable steadfastness of a good dog. Not to mention the mind-blowing sex.

Oops. Perhaps the metaphor breaks down here.

But the message holds.

This entry was posted on Saturday, January 5th, 2008 at 3:54 pm and is filed under Real Life, Second Life, tips from Myg.