M is for Myg

Do you believe in me? I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t; sometimes I don’t believe in myself. For a while, it seemed like the logical conclusion. Do you believe in Esteban Moody? I dunno; do you believe in Barbie? Barbie? Which Barbie? Fashion model Barbie? Beach Barbie? Veterinarian Barbie? It makes a difference.

But then, you know, on the days when I didn’t believe in myself it was hard to get going in the morning. Why get going when you’re just a made-up something? I’d get all my sides together and head down to the club, but then I’d think fuck it, Esteban, why bother if you don’t even exist?

Does this ever happen to you? You just can’t believe your own atoms are impinging upon others? You move like a ghost — it’s great to be able to move through walls, i guess, but then again no one notices you and you can’t pick anything up? Kind of a double-edged sword.

So first I tried only hanging out with people who believed in me. Hey, I thought, if you think I’m just some paper cut-out, you know, some kind of token in a game, well fuck you, asshole! I don’t believe in your ass either! it felt good to be around people who believed in me, and, frankly, I was a more productive human being (if that’s what I am).

But, you know, after a time, I realized that I couldn’t ignore it forever. After all, how long before it caught up with me, you know, like someone doesn’t offer me a job because they don’t believe in me, or I can’t get a loan for a new ride? I needed to swim toward the sharks on this one. Probably, I thought, they don’t believe in you, Esteban, because they’re insecure. They don’t believe in themselves.

So this one’s going out to all of you, you unbelievers. You can’t stop me because, well, I goddamn believe in myself, but more importantly because I believe in you. I don’t care what you’ve thought or said in the past. The truth is I not only believe in you, but I believe in all your hidden fantasies of what kind of world we can build if we just believe in each other. Not everyone needs to be a Barbie, you know.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, July 2nd, 2008 at 8:15 am and is filed under Esteban.