Dear Resident,
We have recently noticed increased safety concerns among residents (this means you). In order to make your meta-life more pleasant, we believe work on lag, inventory loss and technical problems should be postponed in order to address this urgent issue.
Our statements should be understood to constitute an implied meta-Patriot Act, to be immediately followed with the installation of one new class 5 island simulator and one class 3 island simulator to include the following facilities to ensure your safety: sim PremiumPrison, sim FurryCrawl and sim UnveriPrison.
Under the provisions of this referendum, PremiumPrison and FurryCrawl will be outsourced to private companies. Imprisoned residents' weekly stipends will be confiscated in payment for their safety services.
An exception to Community Standards will be made for those two companies to give them the necessary tools to ensure your safety.
The incarcerated shall work to create full-permissions content to prove their value as residents. Content will become the sole property of PremiumPrison and FurryCrawl. By purchasing this content, you will be contributing to your safety in Second Life.
UnveriPrison will be operated similarly and will house any avatar refusing to verify payment and identity information. We still intend to allow unverified registration to boost user numbers. The influx of a large number of second-class residents provides us with heretofore untapped sources of revenue through forced labor for the crime of refusing to verify.
We also realize that re-education will not be suitable for certain residents. For those residents, a declaration of unsuitability will be made and avatarship immediately revoked, to be followed without ceremony by a meta-death sentence. The concerned resident and all alts will, after a public stoning, be permanently removed from the grid for all times and the inventory and land will auctioned by us, except for the good bits which we'll keep for ourselves.
We are sure by applying these rules we can make Second Life safe, together.
As we do care about the community's opinion, somewhere in the upcoming week we shall, for a short time, offer you the possibility to teleport to Referendum Island and agree to the following referendum:
How heavily should the following crimes against safety be punished?
Note to the confused: This is satire. That means it isn't real, like a joke, get it?