M is for Myg

Live your god damned dream

Archive for the 'Esteban' Category

What Dreams May Come

Last night I dreamed that I was out there, in Real Life, dreaming I was me. In the dream, I was talking to Burgess on the telephone — an old payphone on the street. Except we weren’t really talking. It was like the phone was some kind of living creature that was able to take my brain waves and then reproduce them in Burgess’s head and then vice versa. I wonder what that means. Burgess was involved in some kind of DNA experiment with Myg, I think. Anyway, then came the weird part, where I woke up in the dream — except I didn’t realize I was still dreaming? Has that ever happened to you? The strange part is that I wasn’t me; I was my meatself! It was unbearable! I just lay there, gravity pulling me into the earth, my heart pumping fast. I could feel myself dying just a little bit every second.

I need to get back, I thought. I raced downstairs and booted up. Now what? I could see myself on the screen, but I couldn’t get in here. It made no sense. I almost tried to push my face through the screen. If I’m me, I though, then who’s that in there? I realized the keyboard was all different. Most of the regular letters were there, but also a bunch I didn’t recognize. What language is that? Does my meatself speak a different language. It never occurred to me. Then there was something else that wasn’t quite right — I can’t remember — and it made me think, hold on, this is just a dream! Then I really woke up.

I told Walden about it. She said she has RL dreams all the time. Jesus, what a nightmare.

Funk Me; It’s Friday | 13 June2008: play or right-click here to download.
Set list:

War: SLippin’ Into Darkness
The Counts: Funk Pump
The Greasy Beats: Chicken Lickin’ Strut
Jimmy McGriff: I’ve Got a Woman Part I
Jimmy McGriff: I’ve Got a Woman Part II
El Michels Affair: Creation
Tyrone Ashley’s Funky Music Machine: Gotta Clean Up The World Pt. I
Tyrone Ashley’s Funky Music Machine: Gotta Clean Up The World Pt. II
Baby Charles: Comin’ From A Higher Place
Diplomats Of Solid Sound Featuring The Diplomettes: Plenty Nasty
Lack Of Afro Featuring Steve Marriott: The Outsider
Little Beaver: Hit Me With Funky Music
The Evasions: Wikka Wrap
Peoples Choice: Do It Any Way You Wanna
The Bar-Kays: Hey Y’all
JD and The Evil’s Dynamite Band: Mean Scene
The Whitefield Brothers: Prowlin’
Ponderosa Twins + One: You Send Me

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The True Funk

Attention, sisters, brothers, and others! This is the true funk calling out! Can you hear me? It works like this: wherever you are, whatever you’re doing, the true funk is out there, justwaiting for you to tune it in. I live on all frequencies in all galaxies, so remember me when you are unlocking the door of your car or grabbing a coke from the fridge at the gas station. See, there I am, cold and smooth in your palm. You walk down the aisle past the Sun Chips and the Fritos.

“Did you find everything you were looking for?”

“Actually, I was looking for justice. I was looking for a resplendent future for all humankind, an end to cruelty and want. I was looking for my true love. I was looking for certainty in my actions and a lightness in my step.”

“You were looking for the true funk.”

“I was.”

Suddenly it’s there, the snap of the snare, the blare of trumpets, and that BEAT, that indefatigable funky beat, sure as clockwork and palpable like the great pumping heart of the world. It’s struggle. It’s sex. It’s heartbreak. It’s all your friends over on a Friday night.

Everybody wants it. Take a look:

* * * * *

Can you feel it? Yes you can. From the inside out and the outside in, the funk is there. Wild horses gallop through the clouds. You can smell the urine in the street. Pop open the tab. It’s cool and refreshing, but it’s not Coke. (How many times do I need to tell you not to drink that shit?) Look inside there, where the Coke should be: it’s your second life, a little rooftop. Is anybody looking? Down there. A little hermaphrodite and a dancing crowd. Can you feel it? yes you can. Where did you go? The can clatters to the floor. The cashier looks up.

“Did you see that? Where’d they go?”

Funk me, it’s Friday! | 30 May 2008: play or right-click here to download.
Set list:

Young-Holt Unlimited: Soulful Strut
DJ Soup: Soup of the Day
Betty Davis: Shoo-B-Doop and Cop Him
Creative Source: Who Is He and What Is He to You
Denise LaSalle: Good Goody Getter
Ted Taylor: Somebody’s Gettin’ It
Hot Line: Juice It Up (Part 1)
De La Soul: Itsoweezee (Hot)
Resin Dogs: Coming With the Sound
Little Beaver: Funkadelic Sound
Jake Wade & The Soul Searchers: Searching For Soul
Lunar Funk: Mr. Penguin – Pt. I
Lyn Collins & the Famous Flames: Baby Don’t Do It
Robert Jay: Alcohol
Z-Trip: The Get Down Artist
James Brown: I Refuse To Lose (7″ Mix)
The Sylvers: Misdemeanor
Aretha Franklin: Every Little Bit Hurts

Hear the true funk every Friday at -=Clockwork=- from 7-8 (ish)!

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Are Animals Human?

Are animals human? Is the Pope Catholic?

Ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer, eh Esteban? No, seriously, go take a look in the mirror. A good look. I’ll wait here.

Back already? Did you see it? I mean, first of all, that wasn’t you in the mirror–you realize that by now, don’t you? But did you see it? The ape, or whatever it was, flickering there in your dented brow? The nostrils? What happened to your sense of smell? Remember how it was, and you peeled a banana with your feet? Jesus. It wasn’t you in the mirror mostly because you have no idea who you are, much less about the animals in there padding softly through the fallen pine needles of the forest floor. Bite you!

I’m not being insulting. Everything that I say to you applies to me, maybe even more so. This isn’t some epistemological improvisation; this is real life, and I know better than most that anyone I see in the mirror is a fantasy, a made-up thing I use to get around in and buy the groceries without going crazy, evidence to the contrary notwithstanding. Rowr!

My mother–I don’t talk about her much–taught me about the animals, how before it was clear that the jaguar was a person, and the rabbit. She’d learned it from her grandmother before her parents took her to Cuba for the revolution. “Esteban,” she said to me, when I had drawn her picture, “Este, que ves, engaño colorido, que del arte ostentando los primores, con falsos silogismos de colores es cauteloso engaño del sentido.” It didn’t make sense to me at the time, but now it is clear like a mountain lake.

paws: Peer Infinity

Hear the true funk every Friday at -=Clockwork=- from 7-8 (ish)!

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The Secret to Everything

You know me. I am Charles Montagu, first Earl of Halifax. My father cut sugar cane in Hawai’i. That was a long time ago. I wrote poetry. I invented the helicopter. I exploded into microscopic fragments at the Piggly Wiggly. You were in the next aisle, and I believe our atoms became mixed.

Take a look at what you’re buying. It grows on a tree, and beneath the tree the grass grows verdant in the splendor of the morning. The workers load the cart. What’s next? The packaging is beautiful! Boxes and boxes and boxes! Open the boxes! Inside the boxes are my remnants: guar gum, high furctose corn syrup, palm oil. All these things you know. Remember how you came here? You took the highway. You stepped on the breaks. At the stoplight, you looked over: there I was in my little Focus. I smiled and you rolled down the window.

“Hello!” I said, but the music was too loud. The light changed. Off we went. Ever since, you’ve been wondering what that song was. Google gives you nothing.

Here’s what that thing about the atoms means: I am you and you are me. That’s the secret to everything. Because when I pour sugar on my Froot Loops, it’s you who comes dancing through the twinkling stars, just like on TV. You made me a sandwich with Hellmann’s mayonnaise. You flew above the clouds. You came tumbling into my consciousness just to hear that one goddamned song.

Funk me, it’s Friday! | 16 May 2008: play or right-click here to download.
Set list:

Ju-Par Universal Orchestra: Funky Music
Stretch: Why Did You Do It
Moon People: Hippy-Skippy Moon Stomp
Zalatnay Sarolta: Egyszer
Breakestra: Don’t Need A Dance
Glen Anthony Henry: Fired Up
Funkatized: Monster Funk
DJ Soup: Where’s the Spoon?
Resin Dogs: Thunder
The Triumphs: Burnt Biscuits
Ripple: I Don’t Know What It Is, But It Sure Is Funky
Betty Wright: If You Ain’t Got It
Eric and the Vikings: Get Off The Streets, Y’all
Bernard Purdie: Cold Sweat
Gangsters: Smoke
Charles Wright & The 103rd Watts Street Rythm Band: Fried Okra
James Brown with the Louie Bellson Orchestra, Oliver Nelson, Conducting: September Song
Carla Thomas: Any Day Now

Hear the true funk every Friday at -=Clockwork=- from 7-8 (ish)!


The Secret Life of Rock n Roll

Hey Kids! Don’t forget: every Monday from 7-9, Rock n Roll is reborn at ==Clockwork==. Old School. New School. Fuck School.

Here’s how it sounds:

Kill City | 12 May 2008: play or right-click here to download.
Set list:

Joan Jett: Roadrunner
Elvis Costello & The Attractions: Radio, Radio
Suzi Quatro: The Wild One
The Muffs: Rock and Roll Girl
Tsunami Bomb: Russian Roulette
Bikini Kill: New Radio
Guitar Wolf: Let’s Kick Ass All Night
The Willowz: Ulcer Soul
The Dollyrots: Kick Me to the Curb
Riff Randells: Traitor Of The Heart
The White Stripes: Hello Operator
The Cramps: Can Your Pussy Do The Dog
The Rolling Stones: It’s Not Easy
Big Sugar: Dear Mr. Fantasy
Magazine: Shot By Both Sides
The Boys: Living In The City
X-Ray Spex: I Am A Poseur
The Vibrators: Automatic Lover
Elastica: Stutter
Huggy Bear: Her Jazz
Go Betty Go: It’s Too Bad
The Riverboat Gamblers: The Art Of Getting Fucked Over
The Dirtbombs: I Hear Sirens
Alkaline Trio: Cringe
A.F.I.: I Wanna Get A Mohawk (But Mom Won’t Let Me Get One)
The Explosion: No Revolution
The Adicts: Viva La Revolution
Naked Raygun: Home of the Brave
Adolescents: Guns Of September
The Generators: Suspect
Flipper: Sad But True
The Distillers: Young Girl
Alien Sex Fiend: Attack !!!!!!#2 (Album)
Thee Michelle Gun Elephant: Satanic Boom Boom Head
The Revolvers: Rock’N’Roll Babylon
The Eyeliners: Do Anything You Wanna Do
Eater: Sweet Jane (Album)
The Drowners: While My Guitar Gently Weeps
Billy Bragg: That’s Entertainment
Kati Mac: Dear Prudence


The Secret Life of Esteban Moody

the new dance floor at Clockwork

Let me tell you a secret. Are you ready? The secret is this: you’re not who you say you are. You’re a secret agent. You’re in disguise. You have a secret mission.

Remember that night in Monaco when you almost ran me over in your Veyron? You were with a strange man. What was in that envelope? Did you think my feelings were hurt when you pretended not to know me?

I know what you’ll say: that your little cat-and-mouse games are for the good of humankind. That jelly doughnut is a radio transmitter. They implanted cyanide capsules in your teeth. Your cybernetic eyes give you x-ray vision. Your telephoto lens is really a gun and your gun is really a telephoto lens. If not for you, the earth’s core would have exploded last week, the population of Eastern Europe would have been wiped out by a brain-eating virus, and Fort Knox would have been blasted into space by a deranged ex-president.

Well, my friend, I will tell you another secret: I’m an agent, too — a double-agent — and my mission is to make you think you’re a secret agent. Yep, that’s right. That recruiting office in Moscow where you signed up? A front! Those filing cabinets were empty and that “mental aptitude test” was just a ruse (uh, not that your score was actually the “highest in recorded history,” either). That first “mission” in Caracas? A carefully orchestrated set-up: there was no atom bomb in Martín’s suitcase, no heroin in the soccer balls, no kidnapped US senator, and no zombie army controlled by an evil mastermind — just local university students who thought they were extras in a horror film. And, no, you didn’t stop the planet from exploding, invent a cure for a brain-eating virus, or defuse any giant rocket-blasters on Fort Knox. I’m sorry.

Why am I telling you all this? Well, like I said, I’m a double-agent. The forces who employ me wanted you distracted, and then your ego crushed when you realized none of it was real. You’d have become a babbling idiot, no one would believe your crazy stories, and you’d spend the rest of your life in a straightjacket. Not a bad plan, actually. My employers think you’re dangerous.

But what’s really been happening? Sure, it’s all been fake, but the fact is that I’ve been training you to be the world’s most dangerous secret agent — and it’s worked. Every obstacle, every enemy, every false clue I’ve put in your path? You’ve brushed them aside with your steely aplomb. No, you didn’t stop the planet from exploding, but you would have if it had been going to.

I’m telling you because your training is over. Congratulations. I wish we had time for a party. The fact is that now that I’ve told you, I may not have much time. In fact, I hear someone coming up the stairs now: a lurching limp, the smell of Egyptian cigarettes. Don’t let me down, kid. Get out there — the world needs saving. It needs it bad. Go!


Funk me, it’s Friday! | 28 March 2008: play or right-click here to download.
Set list:

James Brown: Nose Job
Freddie & The Kinfolk: Blabbermouth
Jesse Anderson: Mighty Mighty
Lefties Soul Connection: The Chank
The Pinker Tones: One of Them
Georges Deligny: Panique au salon (Grooveblaster remix)
Ingram: Get Your Stuff Off
Misterholmes & The Brotherhood: Thrift Store Find
Sonido Lasser Drakkar: Pontiac Firebird ’82
Underground Maniatikas: Lean Like A Chola
Amalgamated Funk Co.: I Wanna Take You Out
The Brothers Johnson: Come Together
Mad Dog & The Pups: Hep Squeeze (Party Time)
Main Source: Fakin the Funk
Orgone: No More Gravy
The Politicians: Love Machine (Instrumental)
Pacha Massive: Don’t Let Go
The Falcons: I Can’t Help It


In Which I Am Annoyed by the New Viewer

A new viewer. I have to admit I don’t know you anymore. Is it me? Where once I saw a person, now I just see fragments. Which makes me wonder what you see. The same Esteban Moody you saw before or just the wreckage of evolution? Eyeball-machine connected to perception-machine connected to ideology-machine all squishing away in there like clockwork? Just bouncing around like billiard balls you and me and the rest? I take a stone from the left pocket of my great-coat. I watch the evening news and it makes me angry. Someone is calling on the telephone.

This is the latest news in science. As usual, a hundred years behind. I saw a doe and her fawns still behind the trees, then they silently bounded out of sight. The point is that it
doesn’t bother me in the least. Quite frankly, it’s reassuring to see the rest of the world finally getting it. Look, that old way of thinking was just getting in the way, like you were Captain Kirk sitting on the bridge of the Enterprise in your head barking orders at Sulu to make the arm and the hand move to pick up a glass of water and telling Spock to finish up those budget reports for Wednesday? Remember how you were always tuning into the evil Kirk or fighting the you from another dimension or switching bodies with that chick? Well, it turns out that was the real you all along.

In here, we’re cool with that. Some days I have the head of a giant rabbit. I change the color of my skin. We’ve always been cool with that. The philosophy of it, the psychology, the epistemology — you know, the whole enchilada.

So why you gotta make me buy a new graphics card? Oh noes!


Letter from the Sun

[photo: Chestnut Rau]


Dear Esteban,

Stop calling me Kelvin.


The Sun


Two podcasts for the price of one!

Funk me, it’s Friday! | 21 March 2008: play or right-click here to download.
Set list:

Jimmy Smith: Mission Impossible
Mandrill: Fat City Strut
The Boogaloo Investigators: Let The Groove Move You
Diamond Uprisers: Diamond Jerk (New Kind of Jerk)
The Pointer Sisters: Yes We Can, Can
Ebony Vibe Everlasting: We Are Family
Freddie & The Kinfolk: The Goat
The Fabulous Counts: Lunar Funk
The Capitols: Afro-Twist
James Brown: Devil’s Den (Live)
Billy Preston: Gospel Groove
Lo-Fidelity Allstars: Tied To The Mast
Black Star: Astronomy (8th Light)
The Buena Vistas: Soul Clappin
Broad Street Gang: 12th Street Man
Syl Johnson: Don’t Give It Away
Sugar Billy: Super Duper Love Pt1
Sugar Billy: Super Duper Love Pt2
Bea Ford & James Brown: You’ve Got The Power

Funk me, it’s Friday! | 28 March 2008: play or right-click here to download.
Set list:

James Brown: Night Train
The O’Jays: Love Train
Xavier: Work That Sucker To Death
Chris Joss: Get With It
The Apples: Killing
Chuck D & the SLAMjamz Artist Revue: Soul Power
Fred Wesley & The J.B.’s: More Peas
The Snugs: Strugglin’ (Original)
Lack of Afro: Pure Filth
Soul Toranodoes: Go For Yourself
Speedometer: Straight
Stevie Wonder: Signed, Sealed, Delivered
Sam Cooke: (Somebody) Ease My Troublin’ Mind

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