Words, words, words. I am a dolphin, arching joyfully out of the sea. I write a letter to Cardinal Richelieu, warning of the conspiracy against him. I can get a bucket at the dollar store, maybe something for the kid. Everything is made of signs.

Where do they come from? Thrice-great Hermes brought hieroglyphs in his tattered suitcase. Coal comes from the mountains. Buckets come from the dollar store. Life comes from the sun. There’s no digging for words. You can’t get them at the dollar store. The sun vanishes at night. They come too fast to really choose them, right? So it’s not rational. They just “come to you”: switchblade, metropolis, caravan, jalapeño. Different ones come to you than come to me. I chiseled mine in the tombs of pharaohs. Yours come from a can of spray paint. Where would we be without them?

I would be a bluejay or a beetle on the jungle floor; without words, nothing would define us. I know this because I live in the future, where the lion lies down with the lamb. All the old words have been forgotten, and we live without metaphor because everything is possible.

[thanks to Guen for the wordle.]

_______________________________
Funk Me; It’s Friday | 11 July 2008: play or right-click here to download.
Set list:

Karl Hector and the Malcouns: Rush Hour
Lefties Soul Connection: Loose Change
The Meters: Funky Miracle
Run-D.M.C.: Walk This Way
Morris Day & The Time: Jungle Love
Hercules And Love Affair: Raise Me Up
C Smalls & Co: The Buzzard
Little Jackie: 28 Butts
Lester Young & the California Playboys: Funky Funky Horse
Keith Mansfield Orchestra: Soul Confusion
Asiko Rock Group: Lagos City
Black On White Affair: A Bunch of Changes
Brother Jack McDuff: Theme from Electric Surfboard
The Counts: Sacrifice
The Fame Gang: Spooky
Cymande: Fug
Jimmy Smith & Kenny Burrell: Chitlins Con Carne
Toussaint McCall: Shimmy
Backyard Heavies: Expo 83
Irma Thomas: Time Is On My Side

Sticklebacks have no scales. They are bottom-dwellers. The male fashions a nest from algae and dead grasses. A quorum was called, and they voted to form their own union.

It works for fish and birds; it works for ants and ungulates. It works for us, except when it goes horribly wrong. Remember how it was, roaming over the steppe, chipping flint into arrowheads, smoothing clay into vessels? We smelled like wet dogs. There weren’t millions of us. I don’t think we had TVs. We hashed it out, voted with our grunts. Then it got bad for a long time: the big armies, crowded cities. Some of us were slaves. The rain fell on Columbus Avenue and we built pyramids and ocean liners. They told us what to do.

Then one day we figured it all out. Everyone had enough to eat. Those who were slaves were free from slavery and those who were free were free from their ridiculous freedom. Twenty kinds of dish soap! We shot our rifles into the air and threw them in the river. Fireworks cascaded down the black dome of night on every planet we had pissed on.

_______________________________
Funk Me; It’s Friday | 4 July 2008: play or right-click here to download.
Set list:

Regal: The Mack (Club Edit)
Pacific Rhythm Combo: Honky Tonk Popcorn
The Backyard Heavies: Soul Junction
Reginald Milton & The Soul Jets: Clap Your Hands
Cyesm: Funky brother
Layo & Bushwacka!: Sleepy Language
Fuku Syndicate: Pussylovers
Ludditák: Glória
Hidden Cost: Bo Did It
Sebastian Williams: Get Your Point Over
The Fun Company: Zambezi
Sandy Gaye: Watch The Dog
Keisa Brown: The Dance Man
Amnesty: Mister President
The New Mastersounds: Idle Time (Lack Of Afro Remix)
James Brown: I Guess I’ll Have To Cry, Cry, Cry

Funk Me; It’s Friday | 27 June 2008: play or right-click here to download.
Set list:

Don Wright & The Housebreakers: Corn Bread
The Braids: Young Americans
Sylvia Striplin: Give Me Your Love
Peter Brown feat. Betty Wright background vocals: Dance With Me
Al Hudson & the Soul Partners: How Do You Do
Hidden Strength: Hustle On Up (Do the Bump)
Los Amigos Invisibles: Mi Linda
Dyke & The Blazers: Funky Walk Part I (East)
Dyke & The Blazers: Funky Walk Part II (West)
Illya Kuryaki & The Valderramas: Jaguar House
Famous Chromes: Groove On
Chicago Gangsters: Gangster Love
Control Machete: Humanos Mexicanos
James Brown: The Payback
Mexican Institute of Sound: La la La
Betty Wright: Girls Can’t Do What The Guys Do
Sister Josephine James: I’m Glad

Thanks to everyone who came out to Clockwork on Friday for a dose of the heavy funk:

Crap
Walden
GoSpeed
cranach
nutty
Eucalyptus
dandellion
Romana
Daila
Rufus
Garrett
Sarashina
Roobus
Junaid

See you all soon!
Love,

Esteban
————————————————
Funk Me; It’s Friday | 20 June 2008: play or right-click here to download.
Set list:

The People’s Choice: I Likes To Do It
The Capitols: Soul Brother, Soul Sister
JC Davis: Coconut Brown
WQLJ: Nothiin’ Doin’ But Waitin’ On Leon
Mantronix: King of the Beats
The Bar-Kays: Is the Party Tight
Pearl Dowdell: Good Thing
Lee Fields: Problems
The Dap-Kings: Nervous Like Me
Magnificent Opinions: We’ll Be Jamming All Night Long
Wilton Place Street Band: Disco Lucy
The Hot Stuffs: Mr. Hot Stuff
Jimmy McGriff: Fat Cakes
Winnie: Put Your Pants On
James Brown: After You Done It
Sharon Jones and the Dap-Kings: How Long Do I Have To Wait For You (Instrumental)
The Soul Merchants: For: “Wes”
Funkadelic: A Joyful Process
Aretha Franklin: Lean On Me

Last night I dreamed that I was out there, in Real Life, dreaming I was me. In the dream, I was talking to Burgess on the telephone — an old payphone on the street. Except we weren’t really talking. It was like the phone was some kind of living creature that was able to take my brain waves and then reproduce them in Burgess’s head and then vice versa. I wonder what that means. Burgess was involved in some kind of DNA experiment with Myg, I think. Anyway, then came the weird part, where I woke up in the dream — except I didn’t realize I was still dreaming? Has that ever happened to you? The strange part is that I wasn’t me; I was my meatself! It was unbearable! I just lay there, gravity pulling me into the earth, my heart pumping fast. I could feel myself dying just a little bit every second.

I need to get back, I thought. I raced downstairs and booted up. Now what? I could see myself on the screen, but I couldn’t get in here. It made no sense. I almost tried to push my face through the screen. If I’m me, I though, then who’s that in there? I realized the keyboard was all different. Most of the regular letters were there, but also a bunch I didn’t recognize. What language is that? Does my meatself speak a different language. It never occurred to me. Then there was something else that wasn’t quite right — I can’t remember — and it made me think, hold on, this is just a dream! Then I really woke up.

I told Walden about it. She said she has RL dreams all the time. Jesus, what a nightmare.

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Funk Me; It’s Friday | 13 June2008: play or right-click here to download.
Set list:

War: SLippin’ Into Darkness
The Counts: Funk Pump
The Greasy Beats: Chicken Lickin’ Strut
Jimmy McGriff: I’ve Got a Woman Part I
Jimmy McGriff: I’ve Got a Woman Part II
El Michels Affair: Creation
Tyrone Ashley’s Funky Music Machine: Gotta Clean Up The World Pt. I
Tyrone Ashley’s Funky Music Machine: Gotta Clean Up The World Pt. II
Baby Charles: Comin’ From A Higher Place
Diplomats Of Solid Sound Featuring The Diplomettes: Plenty Nasty
Lack Of Afro Featuring Steve Marriott: The Outsider
Little Beaver: Hit Me With Funky Music
The Evasions: Wikka Wrap
Peoples Choice: Do It Any Way You Wanna
The Bar-Kays: Hey Y’all
JD and The Evil’s Dynamite Band: Mean Scene
The Whitefield Brothers: Prowlin’
Ponderosa Twins + One: You Send Me

“Did you find everything you were looking for?”

“Actually, I was looking for justice. I was looking for a resplendent future for all humankind, an end to cruelty and want. I was looking for my true love. I was looking for certainty in my actions and a lightness in my step.”

“You were looking for the true funk.”

“I was.”

Suddenly it’s there, the snap of the snare, the blare of trumpets, and that BEAT, that indefatigable funky beat, sure as clockwork and palpable like the great pumping heart of the world. It’s struggle. It’s sex. It’s heartbreak. It’s all your friends over on a Friday night.

Everybody wants it. Take a look:

* * * * *

Can you feel it? Yes you can. From the inside out and the outside in, the funk is there. Wild horses gallop through the clouds. You can smell the urine in the street. Pop open the tab. It’s cool and refreshing, but it’s not Coke. (How many times do I need to tell you not to drink that shit?) Look inside there, where the Coke should be: it’s your second life, a little rooftop. Is anybody looking? Down there. A little hermaphrodite and a dancing crowd. Can you feel it? yes you can. Where did you go? The can clatters to the floor. The cashier looks up.

“Did you see that? Where’d they go?”

———————————————-
Funk me, it’s Friday! | 30 May 2008: play or right-click here to download.
Set list:

Young-Holt Unlimited: Soulful Strut
DJ Soup: Soup of the Day
Betty Davis: Shoo-B-Doop and Cop Him
Creative Source: Who Is He and What Is He to You
Denise LaSalle: Good Goody Getter
Ted Taylor: Somebody’s Gettin’ It
Hot Line: Juice It Up (Part 1)
De La Soul: Itsoweezee (Hot)
Resin Dogs: Coming With the Sound
Little Beaver: Funkadelic Sound
Jake Wade & The Soul Searchers: Searching For Soul
Lunar Funk: Mr. Penguin – Pt. I
Lyn Collins & the Famous Flames: Baby Don’t Do It
Robert Jay: Alcohol
Z-Trip: The Get Down Artist
James Brown: I Refuse To Lose (7″ Mix)
The Sylvers: Misdemeanor
Aretha Franklin: Every Little Bit Hurts

Hear the true funk every Friday at -=Clockwork=- from 7-8 (ish)!

You know me. I am Charles Montagu, first Earl of Halifax. My father cut sugar cane in Hawai’i. That was a long time ago. I wrote poetry. I invented the helicopter. I exploded into microscopic fragments at the Piggly Wiggly. You were in the next aisle, and I believe our atoms became mixed.

Take a look at what you’re buying. It grows on a tree, and beneath the tree the grass grows verdant in the splendor of the morning. The workers load the cart. What’s next? The packaging is beautiful! Boxes and boxes and boxes! Open the boxes! Inside the boxes are my remnants: guar gum, high furctose corn syrup, palm oil. All these things you know. Remember how you came here? You took the highway. You stepped on the breaks. At the stoplight, you looked over: there I was in my little Focus. I smiled and you rolled down the window.

“Hello!” I said, but the music was too loud. The light changed. Off we went. Ever since, you’ve been wondering what that song was. Google gives you nothing.

Here’s what that thing about the atoms means: I am you and you are me. That’s the secret to everything. Because when I pour sugar on my Froot Loops, it’s you who comes dancing through the twinkling stars, just like on TV. You made me a sandwich with Hellmann’s mayonnaise. You flew above the clouds. You came tumbling into my consciousness just to hear that one goddamned song.

Funk me, it’s Friday! | 16 May 2008: play or right-click here to download.
Set list:

Ju-Par Universal Orchestra: Funky Music
Stretch: Why Did You Do It
Moon People: Hippy-Skippy Moon Stomp
Zalatnay Sarolta: Egyszer
Breakestra: Don’t Need A Dance
Glen Anthony Henry: Fired Up
Funkatized: Monster Funk
DJ Soup: Where’s the Spoon?
Resin Dogs: Thunder
The Triumphs: Burnt Biscuits
Ripple: I Don’t Know What It Is, But It Sure Is Funky
Betty Wright: If You Ain’t Got It
Eric and the Vikings: Get Off The Streets, Y’all
Bernard Purdie: Cold Sweat
Gangsters: Smoke
Charles Wright & The 103rd Watts Street Rythm Band: Fried Okra
James Brown with the Louie Bellson Orchestra, Oliver Nelson, Conducting: September Song
Carla Thomas: Any Day Now

Hear the true funk every Friday at -=Clockwork=- from 7-8 (ish)!

Hey Kids! Don’t forget: every Monday from 7-9, Rock n Roll is reborn at ==Clockwork==. Old School. New School. Fuck School.

Here’s how it sounds:

Kill City | 12 May 2008: play or right-click here to download.
Set list:

Joan Jett: Roadrunner
Elvis Costello & The Attractions: Radio, Radio
Suzi Quatro: The Wild One
The Muffs: Rock and Roll Girl
Tsunami Bomb: Russian Roulette
Bikini Kill: New Radio
Guitar Wolf: Let’s Kick Ass All Night
The Willowz: Ulcer Soul
The Dollyrots: Kick Me to the Curb
Riff Randells: Traitor Of The Heart
The White Stripes: Hello Operator
The Cramps: Can Your Pussy Do The Dog
The Rolling Stones: It’s Not Easy
Big Sugar: Dear Mr. Fantasy
Magazine: Shot By Both Sides
The Boys: Living In The City
X-Ray Spex: I Am A Poseur
The Vibrators: Automatic Lover
Elastica: Stutter
Huggy Bear: Her Jazz
Go Betty Go: It’s Too Bad
The Riverboat Gamblers: The Art Of Getting Fucked Over
The Dirtbombs: I Hear Sirens
Alkaline Trio: Cringe
A.F.I.: I Wanna Get A Mohawk (But Mom Won’t Let Me Get One)
The Explosion: No Revolution
The Adicts: Viva La Revolution
Naked Raygun: Home of the Brave
Adolescents: Guns Of September
The Generators: Suspect
Flipper: Sad But True
The Distillers: Young Girl
Alien Sex Fiend: Attack !!!!!!#2 (Album)
Thee Michelle Gun Elephant: Satanic Boom Boom Head
The Revolvers: Rock’N'Roll Babylon
The Eyeliners: Do Anything You Wanna Do
Eater: Sweet Jane (Album)
The Drowners: While My Guitar Gently Weeps
Billy Bragg: That’s Entertainment
Kati Mac: Dear Prudence

the new dance floor at Clockwork

Let me tell you a secret. Are you ready? The secret is this: you’re not who you say you are. You’re a secret agent. You’re in disguise. You have a secret mission.

Remember that night in Monaco when you almost ran me over in your Veyron? You were with a strange man. What was in that envelope? Did you think my feelings were hurt when you pretended not to know me?

I know what you’ll say: that your little cat-and-mouse games are for the good of humankind. That jelly doughnut is a radio transmitter. They implanted cyanide capsules in your teeth. Your cybernetic eyes give you x-ray vision. Your telephoto lens is really a gun and your gun is really a telephoto lens. If not for you, the earth’s core would have exploded last week, the population of Eastern Europe would have been wiped out by a brain-eating virus, and Fort Knox would have been blasted into space by a deranged ex-president.

Well, my friend, I will tell you another secret: I’m an agent, too — a double-agent — and my mission is to make you think you’re a secret agent. Yep, that’s right. That recruiting office in Moscow where you signed up? A front! Those filing cabinets were empty and that “mental aptitude test” was just a ruse (uh, not that your score was actually the “highest in recorded history,” either). That first “mission” in Caracas? A carefully orchestrated set-up: there was no atom bomb in Martín’s suitcase, no heroin in the soccer balls, no kidnapped US senator, and no zombie army controlled by an evil mastermind — just local university students who thought they were extras in a horror film. And, no, you didn’t stop the planet from exploding, invent a cure for a brain-eating virus, or defuse any giant rocket-blasters on Fort Knox. I’m sorry.

Why am I telling you all this? Well, like I said, I’m a double-agent. The forces who employ me wanted you distracted, and then your ego crushed when you realized none of it was real. You’d have become a babbling idiot, no one would believe your crazy stories, and you’d spend the rest of your life in a straightjacket. Not a bad plan, actually. My employers think you’re dangerous.

But what’s really been happening? Sure, it’s all been fake, but the fact is that I’ve been training you to be the world’s most dangerous secret agent — and it’s worked. Every obstacle, every enemy, every false clue I’ve put in your path? You’ve brushed them aside with your steely aplomb. No, you didn’t stop the planet from exploding, but you would have if it had been going to.

I’m telling you because your training is over. Congratulations. I wish we had time for a party. The fact is that now that I’ve told you, I may not have much time. In fact, I hear someone coming up the stairs now: a lurching limp, the smell of Egyptian cigarettes. Don’t let me down, kid. Get out there — the world needs saving. It needs it bad. Go!

___________________________________

Funk me, it’s Friday! | 28 March 2008: play or right-click here to download.
Set list:

James Brown: Nose Job
Freddie & The Kinfolk: Blabbermouth
Jesse Anderson: Mighty Mighty
Lefties Soul Connection: The Chank
The Pinker Tones: One of Them
Georges Deligny: Panique au salon (Grooveblaster remix)
Ingram: Get Your Stuff Off
Misterholmes & The Brotherhood: Thrift Store Find
Sonido Lasser Drakkar: Pontiac Firebird ‘82
Underground Maniatikas: Lean Like A Chola
Amalgamated Funk Co.: I Wanna Take You Out
The Brothers Johnson: Come Together
Mad Dog & The Pups: Hep Squeeze (Party Time)
Main Source: Fakin the Funk
Orgone: No More Gravy
The Politicians: Love Machine (Instrumental)
Pacha Massive: Don’t Let Go
The Falcons: I Can’t Help It

[photo: Chestnut Rau]

___________________________________

Dear Esteban,

Stop calling me Kelvin.

Love,

The Sun

___________________________________

Two podcasts for the price of one!

Funk me, it’s Friday! | 21 March 2008: play or right-click here to download.
Set list:

Jimmy Smith: Mission Impossible
Mandrill: Fat City Strut
The Boogaloo Investigators: Let The Groove Move You
Diamond Uprisers: Diamond Jerk (New Kind of Jerk)
The Pointer Sisters: Yes We Can, Can
Ebony Vibe Everlasting: We Are Family
Freddie & The Kinfolk: The Goat
The Fabulous Counts: Lunar Funk
The Capitols: Afro-Twist
James Brown: Devil’s Den (Live)
Billy Preston: Gospel Groove
Lo-Fidelity Allstars: Tied To The Mast
Black Star: Astronomy (8th Light)
The Buena Vistas: Soul Clappin
Broad Street Gang: 12th Street Man
Syl Johnson: Don’t Give It Away
Sugar Billy: Super Duper Love Pt1
Sugar Billy: Super Duper Love Pt2
Bea Ford & James Brown: You’ve Got The Power

Funk me, it’s Friday! | 28 March 2008: play or right-click here to download.
Set list:

James Brown: Night Train
The O’Jays: Love Train
Xavier: Work That Sucker To Death
Chris Joss: Get With It
The Apples: Killing
Chuck D & the SLAMjamz Artist Revue: Soul Power
Fred Wesley & The J.B.’s: More Peas
The Snugs: Strugglin’ (Original)
Lack of Afro: Pure Filth
Soul Toranodoes: Go For Yourself
Speedometer: Straight
Stevie Wonder: Signed, Sealed, Delivered
Sam Cooke: (Somebody) Ease My Troublin’ Mind