M is for Myg

Hey I haven’t forgotten. I swear. It’s just a thing these days. I miss you and I miss this blog and all of it.

Alex’s last day of class forever is tomorrow.

Keep the light on for us.

love,

myg

A new viewer. I have to admit I don’t know you anymore. Is it me? Where once I saw a person, now I just see fragments. Which makes me wonder what you see. The same Esteban Moody you saw before or just the wreckage of evolution? Eyeball-machine connected to perception-machine connected to ideology-machine all squishing away in there like clockwork? Just bouncing around like billiard balls you and me and the rest? I take a stone from the left pocket of my great-coat. I watch the evening news and it makes me angry. Someone is calling on the telephone.

This is the latest news in science. As usual, a hundred years behind. I saw a doe and her fawns still behind the trees, then they silently bounded out of sight. The point is that it
doesn’t bother me in the least. Quite frankly, it’s reassuring to see the rest of the world finally getting it. Look, that old way of thinking was just getting in the way, like you were Captain Kirk sitting on the bridge of the Enterprise in your head barking orders at Sulu to make the arm and the hand move to pick up a glass of water and telling Spock to finish up those budget reports for Wednesday? Remember how you were always tuning into the evil Kirk or fighting the you from another dimension or switching bodies with that chick? Well, it turns out that was the real you all along.

In here, we’re cool with that. Some days I have the head of a giant rabbit. I change the color of my skin. We’ve always been cool with that. The philosophy of it, the psychology, the epistemology — you know, the whole enchilada.

So why you gotta make me buy a new graphics card? Oh noes!

Jelly wrote about it today and it got me thinking. Why haven’t I been going into Second Life?

Quite honestly, I’ve had a lot of other stuff I’ve had to do and have wanted to do. Some personal, some professional, and some other. 

I’ve been working a lot. And strangely with the onset of daylight savings time, I’ve been a lot more interested in my work. That’s a good thing because for most of the winter I’d been really depressed about my work life. I recently stopped having clinical cases and instead I’ve been wrapping my brain around environments (real, physical and interpersonal ones) and trying to understand why they make us do the things we do. I don’t know where I’ll go from here, but I’m not uncomfortably bored and unchallenged where I am at the moment, and that’s really important. Never underestimate the power of a little sun.

I’ve been writing my novel again, and that’s where a lot of my creative energy has been. Blogging here at M is for Myg has taught me that I can write consistently in short spurts. So I set the goal to write two pages a day on my novel, and I’ve been really good at sticking to it. Two pages may not sound like much, but if I stay on this schedule I’ll have my first draft done in May. That excites me like I can’t even tell you. I’ve been working on this novel since 2004!

I’ve also been obsessing about politics. I have traded my SL addiction for a compulsive Dailykos habit. If you’re not a rabid progressive who thinks Barack Obama is the only obvious choice for president, then don’t even bother going there. Unless you’re on the fence and want to be convinced. Or want to argue and get a royal smack down.

One last thing.  I didn’t make a big deal out of it, but last Friday was M is for Myg’s 1st birthday. I am really proud of that and it wouldn’t be possible without the most excellent contributions from Esteban Moody, Sable Slade and Rain Laval, Xaxoqual Mandelbrot, Alex Burgess (remember him?), and in the way back of this blog, Vanny Richez and Lisa Takao.

It sure as hell wouldn’t still be here if it wasn’t for those of you who continue to read it. I just want to say thanks for that. It’s hard to explain how much that means to me, but let me put it like this.

Good blogging requires a writer to commit a piece of themselves, to surrender it publicly to the scrutiny and criticism of anyone on earth with a computer. It’s a powerful act, and not one devoid of intellectual and emotional consequences, however trivial the subject matter may appear. These blogs contain our ideas, and what are we if not ideas and feelings?

That’s why Second Life is so amazing to me still. You are almost purely an idea there, with your physical package stripped away and instead, represented by an image of mostly your own mind’s creation.

When you come and participate in M is for Myg as a reader or commenter, you let me and my friends know that on some level our ideas - we - matter. Even when you disagree with us or don’t like us.

Thanks for that. I needed it.

Love,
Myg

Sable and I couldn’t stop stealing, it was addictive! We decided to spend a little of our ill gotten cash. First we got private tennis lessons….

Then we bought a little boat….well hello captain!

We attended all the glamorous Hollywood parties.

Had wild orgies with the hot captain…..

But then…..it all came to an end….who knew the hot captain was an undercover cop!

What we are wearing:

Sable:

CS Vogue Skin - Winter Series - Winter 1 - Cashmere
http://slurl.com/secondlife/Celestial%20City/68/243/27

Hair - HCT - Palo - Deep Red
http://slurl.com/secondlife/Troubled%20City/174/148/25

Outfit #1 - Affame - Activ Tracksuit - White
http://slurl.com/secondlife/Rue%20D’Antibes/159/163/28

Shoes - Reaction Girls - Sparkle
http://slurl.com/secondlife/AlterNation/80/203/38

Outfit #2 - Alchemy- Innocence - Light Blue
http://slurl.com/secondlife/Emilia/32/86/76

Shoes - Storm Schmooz - Laque - Black
http://slurl.com/secondlife/Viva%20La%20Glam/156/168/24
Gown - Simone - Showboat in Red
http://slurl.com/secondlife/Simone/123/153/36

Hair - ETD Juliana - Smoke
http://slurl.com/secondlife/ETD%20Isle/194/192/31

Lingerie - Foo Roo Lingerie - Red & Black Summer Bra
http://slurl.com/secondlife/Eggar/37/95/37

Rain:

Skin: Celestial Studios Vogue Skin-Glitter Burgandy (Cashmere)
http://slurl.com/secondlife/Celestial%20City/68/240/27

Hair: Armidi - The Ginza- Orchid
http://slurl.com/secondlife/Armidi/176/150/546

Outfit #1: Nyte & Day-Tweedy
http://slurl.com/secondlife/Nyte%20N%20Day/118/39/28

Shoes: Reaction Sparkle
http://slurl.com/secondlife/AlterNation/78/209/38

Outfit #2:Top: Artilleri-Mahana (dress)
http://slurl.com/secondlife/artilleri/93/123/27
Shorts: <3C! Shorts Pack #2-White
http://slurl.com/secondlife/PopFuzz/116/174/21

Shoes: Shiny Things-Retrohoochie Pumps-White
http://slurl.com/secondlife/Shiny%20Falls/173/181/37

Sunglasses: Tickled Pink-Sasha
http://slurl.com/secondlife/Chatouille/25/220/27

Gown: Simone-Premier in Rose
http://slurl.com/secondlife/Simone/123/153/36

Hair: ETD Alexandra-Blonde

Lingerie: Intimizzio Aufiori Chambre Shee Set-Chocolate
http://slurl.com/secondlife/Armidi/121/180/26

Preston:

Hair: ND-Jake, Brown Pack
Skin: ND-Gabriel, Golden Tan
http://slurl.com/secondlife/Naughty/80/168/24

Reaction 3-Quarter Pants
Reaction Flip Flops, Chocolate
http://slurl.com/secondlife/AlterNation/80/203/38

PrimOptic Sunglasses-Reban style
http://slurl.com/secondlife/Terra%20Toulouse/121/140/27

Formal:
Last Call: Renaissance Tux
http://slurl.com/secondlife/Dazzle/68/11/27

Shiny Things: City Walk Shoes, Black
http://slurl.com/secondlife/Shiny%20Falls/173/181/37

Moderno Underwear, Sapphire
http://slurl.com/secondlife/Dazzle/130/10/27

Las Vegas Police Raid Shirt, by Halsted Beck
Purchased on SLExchange

I noticed Myg got tagged. I’ll pinch hit:

1. Pick up the nearest book (of at least 123 pages).
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the next three sentences.
5. Tag five people.

Nearest book: The Story of the Typewriter 1873-1923. Page 123 is a list of the phrase “To save time is to lengthen life” typewritten in 84 languages. So:

1. Demboraren irabaztia, biciaren luçatzia da.
2. Econmizar tèms es allargar la vida.
3. Temps ganga fa longo vido.

Tag, you’re it: Chestnut, Kit, dandellion, Wrath, & Argent!

Dear Myg,

You know I know how it feels. How does it work? We want one thing; we do another. Who’s in charge? Who’s the commanding officer here? I remember when I quit smoking: there was one in my hand again, even though I had told myself no.

I told myself no. Funny that that even makes sense. Why would the I need to tell the self? Isn’t it supposed to be the self in the first place? I told myself no, but my self did it anyway.

The usual story is this: the self does it anyway because the self lives in a fantasy world — or wants so much to live in a fantasy world it acts as if the fantasy were real. When my mother died, my father took us back to Ireland and turned to the drink. My great-grandmother made him dandelion tea for his nerves. On May Day, she scattered primrose petals on the stoop and smiled at me sideways. “So the fairies leave the cows alone,” she said. Some flowers were not allowed in the house and she cured the dog’s limp with comfrey and vinegar. One night my father fell into a ditch on the Shangarry Road and was attacked by a swan — a pen defending her chicks. After that night, he never swallowed a drop.

But what if it were the other way ’round? What if the self’s drive for addiction were its way not of striving for fantasy but of holding up a mirror to Real Life? Everywhere we look, the world tells us to surrender to addiction. Television. Sex. Money. Youth. In Real Life, addiction is what it means to be alive. It follows — doesn’t it? — that Second Life is where we keep addiction at bay. Of course these things are tricky, and sometimes with what’s Real and what’s Second, we may lose track of the wisdom to know the difference.

When in doubt, I look for the ditch with a swan in it.

Love,

Esteban

Funk me, it’s Friday! | 29 February 2008: play or right-click here to download.
Set list:

Wild Cherry: I Feel Sanctified
Brothers Johnson: Get The Funk Out My Face
The Isley Brothers: It’s Your Thing
Room 5 Featuring Oliver Cheatham: Make Luv (Extended Mix)
Prince: Kiss
Tom Tom Club: Genius Of Love
Fred Wesley & The J.B.’s: J.B. Shout
The Unemployed: They Won’t Let Me
Calypso King & The Soul Investigators: Raw Grapes
Chambers Brothers: Funky
Voices of East Harlem: For What It’s Worth
Sharon Jones & The Dap-Kings: How Long Do I Have To Wait For You? (Ticklah Remix)
Stevie Wonder: Maybe Your Baby
Aretha Franklin: Groovin’

Funk me, it’s Friday! | 7 March 2008: play or right-click here to download.
Set list:

Earl Van Dyke & the Soul Brothers: The Flick Part I
Earl Van Dyke & the Soul Brothers: The Flick Part II
The Delegates: Pigmy Part 1
The Delegates: Pigmy Part 2
James Brown: Papa’s Got a Brand New Bag [Parts I and II] [instrumental]
James Brown: I’m a Greedy Man (Parts 1 & 2)
The J.B.’s: The Grunt (Parts 1 & 2)
Rufus Thomas: The Breakdown (Part I)
Rufus Thomas: The Breakdown (Part II)
Bobby Franklin’s Insanity: Bring It On Down to Me - Pt I
Bobby Franklin’s Insanity: Bring It On Down to Me - Pt II
Vicki Anderson: The Message from the Soul Sisters (Parts 1 & 2)
Isley Brothers: That Lady (Parts 1 & 2)
Billy Preston: Greazee Part I & II
Lou Donaldson: Funky Mama [Parts 1 & 2]
Don Covay and the Goodtimers: Can’t Stay Away

It fucks with me. It really does.

On the one hand, it’s this social, creative outlet. A community of people I love and enjoy spending time with, even if that time is translated through a fiber optic network at high speed.

I look at my Second Self and I say, “that’s me.” And it is. It’s often closer to the biological me than you might realize. In fact, what I’m wearing in that photo, how I’m sitting, it’s nearly identical to how I’m sitting as I type this and the clothes I’ve got on this frigid mid winter eve. The vodka bottle is steps away in a kitchen cabinet and sounds a better idea the longer I type.

On the other hand, it’s this black hole of productivity and time. The more time I spend online, the less I get done in my life. I resent going to work. Laundry sits in heaps on the floor. The dishes pile up around the sink. I don’t write music anymore. I struggle to write anything other than blog posts here, even though I consider myself a writer.

Do you know you can get addicted to anything?

When I spend a lot of time online, my brain feels the same it did when I was addicted to cigarettes. Owned by something, not me. Duller. Scattered. Unable to concentrate deeply on anything. I’m one of those lucky people who can be addicted to something and still keep my shit marginally together. I can still get to work, do my work just barely well enough to not get in trouble, get the laundry done when I’m out of socks and underwear. That sort of keeping my shit together.

But I can’t get anything meaningful accomplished. Like I got the novel started but I can’t get anywhere with it. I had the idea for a song, but I can’t pick up my guitar and bang it out. I keep meaning to call that friend who I blew off at Christmas time, and it’s almost March but I haven’t made the call.

Any one of those things, if I did them, would make my life better.

I don’t know that I can honestly say the same about the internet.

It’s not Second Life, actually. I can get compulsive about Second Life but usually I don’t. More than that, I get compulsive about blogging. I get obsessive about this blog, but I also compulsively check and read other blogs throughout the day too. Sadly, I can surf on the internet forever. It’s a lot worse than television. And I always feel so useless when I do it.

It’s like I don’t want to miss any of the conversation. But I feel I’ve got less and less to add.

I’m not going away. I’m just explaining. If every few months or so you see the posts here slow down, it’s because I need a break.

That’s not a break from you though. You, I miss.

I know we’re not the only ones out there with the funk. And I am not talking about any kind of good funk. Alex and I have the head pounding, leg and back aching, dry hacking cough, don’t wanna eat don’t wanna move funk.  I was laid up with it for almost a whole week and then poor Alex got it - and he’s still out of commission.

I wanted to say a special thanks to all the Clockwork DJs for keeping the club going without us. I’m sorry we missed you all last week but hopefully this week we’ll be around more.  If I’m not mistaken, tonight it’s going to be Esteban on deck with punkish favorites. If all goes as planned I’ll actually be there this time. Can’t likely say as much for Alex - depends on how much home made chicken slop I can get him to eat today.