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Never say defeat

It’s with regret that on behalf of Candidate Wei, I Mygdala March do hereby concede the office of SL Governor to the righteous Phil Linden. Luckily for all of you, we’re still running in the 2008 U.S. presidential election. And it’s just as well because at this time it seems as though candidate Wei has run off with a soccer team and the bulk of the remaining campaign funds.

Those of you from other countries have no fear. You can still vote Wei in ’08 as Leviathan Unltd. will be installing voting huds that will count all of your votes as coming in from Hudson County, New Jersey.

I am assuming you’ve all gotten your copy of this:

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Which says this:

Dear Residents,

Thanks for participating in the 2007 SLelections for Governor. Before we announce the winner and the new Governor of Second Life, we would like to thank all the residents who participated in this SLelection. Your candidacies were strong, your platforms inspiring, and your campaign posters excellent! You have shown us many excellent paths for Second Life’s future.

However, we had some minor problems with returning the SLelections 2007 voting boxes into our inventory. They were, um, lost. Luckily upon contacting Live Help, the Lindens were able to tell us the following:

“We were pleased to see all the Residents participating in the democratization of Second Life. After discarding the votes of the residents that are not registered with our Identity Verification System, it is clear that the community wishes to re-elect Philip Linden Governor of Second Life. We are very happy with that, as this means we can keep our current jobs in the Linden Administration. Thank you for voting.”

Congratulations to Phil on his reelection. Please note that any protests of election results will be considered broadly offensive and offenders will be Abuse Reported. Despite any discrepancies you may think you see, we stress that this does not represent a change in our position, and we remain committed to the same democratic principles we have held from the start.

The Concerned Residents

It was a good run while it lasted. We’ll see you all out on the campaign trail with Barack, Hillary and John. F*** Rudy and McCain–they wouldn’t know a decent war on danger if it drove up in a white van with the letters “WOD” plastered to the side.
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*Hey sillies, this is satire. Just in case*

****All of us here at Wei ’08 would like to bathe Vint Falken’s feet in a fresh rose petal bath for her ingenuity, interest, commitment, motivation and creativity on this spoof, as well as all the other truly great things she does for the SL Blogging community. Huzzah, Vint. Hats and bras off to you.****

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SLelections: Vote early and vote often for Romana Wei!

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Today is the day we make history. Feel free to copy this ballot as it’s already filled in with the best, most obvious choice for SL Governor.  Remember, Vote Wei and Vote War. On Danger.

Because safety isn’t free, and freedom isn’t safe.

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I didn’t know how to thank her

Vint FalkenI was like totally thrilled about getting into SL4B, I really and truly was. I was silly with delight. Me? Little old silly Myg? Part of an actual Linden Sanctioned celebratory event? As an *artiste* no less? I was on top of the virtual world, giddy with anticipation. And it was all because of her.

I’m not the powerhouse of networking that the Almighty Vint Falken is, no way. I was so thankful for her help that I lost my head a little and dragged the Neko from the SL4B grounds back to Romana’s loft to pay her back with a little kindness.

It all seemed to start all innocently, for sure. A couple of drinks, a soak in Romana’s hot tub–no big deal. But then she offered to rub my back a little, and things started to really get intense in there! Nevermind the fact that there were a few others up at the loft with us–who for now shall remain unnamed. Too bad Romana was out of town–it was exactly the kind of scene she was hoping for since jumping into politics! I mean really, if you can’t get a little action out of all that campaigning, what’s the fun of it?

lower...

I’m just going to leave you with this photo, because you know, the rest is damned scandalous–and sexy! But whatever, there was only one nagging worry I had after it was all said and done. See, one of Wei’s key documents sort of went missing from the loft, an important part of the Wei campaign for SLelections. . .we weren’t going to release it until after the *coughs* voting was over and we were in office, but now it seems to be gone. . .

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’07 SLelection Coverage

If you’re looking for good coverage of the still very crowded field of Second Life gubernatorial candidates, you’ve come to the wrong place. Wait, strike that, this is the right place. Very right. Vote for Romana Wei on the SLOP ticket! (Erbo Evans has claimed the SLGOP acronym. Fine. Be that way. Even though one look at our WAR ON DANGER platform will tell you who the real Republikans are in this race. You can drop the G and call us the Second Life Old Party, because we’re in this for way more than a grand.)

Should you wish to see what that also-rans are doing, then look no further than Vint Falken, who continues to bring up-to-date coverage to the reading public, and Wrath Paine, who is focusing a comprehensive and jaundiced eye on all the candidates.

Voting is scheduled to take place inworld July 1. However, the logistics of this remain undisclosed. We’re hoping that one of our Leviathan subsidiaries gets a pay-for-play contract to install and monitor electronic voting machines. So for the disgruntled anti-voters out there, you have little to worry about. We thank you for your continued voter suppression tactics. There’s a place for you at the Wei campaign, contact us if you’re interested in getting paid for your work.

And lastly, the Second Life 4th Birthday (SL4B) celebration will have an exhibition of the satirical campaigns. You can tp to the HQ using this SLurl. The SL4B Art committee is hosting the exhibit–proving once again that politics and art do mix.

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Safety isn’t Free . . . and Freedom isn’t Safe

In the race for Second Life Governor, there are runners and there are fighters.

Wei for SL Governor

As Governor, Romana Wei will stand tough and fight for our right to a safe Second Life.

Because safety isn’t free, and freedom isn’t safe, Romana Wei declares a gridwide WAR ON DANGER. Under Wei’s leadership, a new Grid Security Agency (GSA) shall be established to lead this fight, all other security apparatus will heretofore be organized under the wing of this bold new agency. The GSA shall be number one, all other security measures and agencies in Second Life shall be number two or lower.

The battle for safety will include:

1. The proposed age-verification system shall be abandoned in favor of a new, more rigorous and comprehensive identification system to be integrated directly into avatar profiles, viewable by all. Safe citizens have nothing to hide.

2. The current Abuse Reporting system shall be abolished and in its stead, a new mandatory reporting system shall be instituted–The Danger-Free Reporting System ™. This bold new program makes breach-of-safety reporting required of all residents witnessing danger.

3. All avatar children shall be protected by a new Danger-Free Youth ™ project, wherein all avatars appearing to be under the age of 23 shall be required to work in SL Factories a minimum of 18 hours per day. Off the streets, all child avatars will be lovingly watched and protected from danger while also contributing valuable new wares for our safe society.

4. Checkpoints shall be installed at every sim crossing to track the movement of unverified avatars across the grid.

We understand that some blame gridwide climate change for platform malfunctions, lag, broken searches, messaging problems, inventory loss and teleporting difficulties. However, we find no hard evidence to support this assertion. It is imperative to our economy that grid growth continues unhampered and new features are rolled out as quickly as possible. Growth means greater opportunities for all residents to pursue a safe Second Life.

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*Editor Myg’s note: In case it isn’t glaringly obvious, this piece is satire, meaning, it isn’t real. There are no Second Life elections, unfortunately. See blog footer for all legal niceties about Second Life and Linden Lab, etc.

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Second Life Elections? There’s only one choice. Wei ’08

Finally, a race worth running in.

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Why would anyone worry about getting elected to the US presidency when the coveted governorship of Second Life was at stake? And I know just the candidate for the job:

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Yes folks, Romana is back, and more reactionary than ever. If you thought her controversial stance on Prim Babies was shocking, wait until she unveils the major tenets of her WAR ON DANGER.

Because as we all know, if we’re going to keep Second Life Safe Together, then we’re going to have to go after the enemy, hard.  There is no safety without war. And besides, we heard “free blow jobs for all” has been taken by another candidate.

So look out danger, here we come.

__________________________

*Please read the “note to the confused” carefully at the bottom of the SL Election letter. This is satire. That means there is no “real” SL Election. But that doesn’t mean there shouldn’t be one…

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Petition to Baku, Part II

It didn’t go well for Torvalpac’s re-entry to Baku folks. Not at all.

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First, Romana went to try to engage the locals in some meaningful dialogue. Get a sense of the community, see if she could tease out the elders. But apparently somebody, or multiple somebodies, kept turning her into space slime. She had to jet out. Read more

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Romana Wei-s in! Prim babies: cute but deadly

People need answers.

Wei contemplating prim babies

They’re damned lucky to have someone like Romana Wei confabulate them.

The electorate is up in arms over the problem of Prim Babies. Last week the Second Life Herald ran a huge expose of the problem, interviewing some chick calling herself “Mrs. President.” Mrs President? Well, not for long Chomsky. Just you wait until the primary.

Never wanting to miss the opportunity to capitalize on social misery, we asked Candidate Wei to share some of her thoughts on the matter. Here’s what she had to offer:

Romana Wei: when we have prim babies, we increase the size of our global footprint and we contribute more prims to global lag
Romana Wei: you know it’s time that you stopped working for your prim babies and put your prim babies to work for you
Romana Wei: that’s why all prim babies will have to work in strip clubs as drink caddies
Romana Wei: yes, they take valuable resources from our planet–is it so much to ask that they bring us a drink when we are thirsty and food when we are hungry and a condom when we want some?
Sable Slade: the little babies are cute!
Romana Wei: yes, Sable, cute but deadly
Romana Wei: deadly for our economy

Next Wei ’08 post

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